Some Really Excellent Spam

From time to time, I look through my junk folder to see the state of spam.

I get (on average) about 800 pieces of spam a day. Most are filtered out through a triple layer of spam filtration, but a few still get in my inbox.

Now I know that I have found the poet laureate of all spams. I know that this was probably lifted from a book, but if it wasn't, I want to hire the person that wrote this. The amazing thing was that I feel like emailing the person back and asking for MORE! I want to know what happens.

***SPAM EXERPT FOLLOWS ***** (in original formatting)

g coffee; then, seating her in the ladies' room charged her on no account to stir from that point while he was gone--he had just time to run around to the post-office, and mail a forgotten letter; then he vanished, and in the confusion and the crowd Ester was alone She did not feel, in the least, flurried or nervous; on the contrary, she liked it, this first experience of hers in a city depot; she would not have had it made known to one of the groups of fashionably-attired and very-much-at-ease travelers who thronged past her for the world--but the truth was, Ester had been having her very first ride in the cars! Sadie had made various little trips in company with school friends to adjoining towns, after school books, or music, or to attend a concert, or for pure fun; but, though Ester had spent her eighteen years of life in a town which had long been an "Express Station," yet want of time, or of money, or of inclination to take the bits of journeys which alone were within her reach, had kept her at home Now she glanced at herself, at her faultlessly neat and ladylike traveling suit She could get a full view of it in an opposite mirror, and it was becoming, from the dainty vail which fluttered over her hat, to the shining tip of her walking boots; and she gave a complacent little sigh, as she said to herself "I don't see but I look as much like a traveler as any of them I'm sure I don't feel in the least confused I'm glad I'm not as ridiculously dressed as that pert-looking girl in brown I should call it in very bad taste to wear such a rich silk as that for traveling She doesn't look as though she had a single idea beyond dress; probably that is what is occupying her thoughts at this very moment;" and Ester's speaking face betrayed contempt and conscious superiority, as she watched the fluttering bit of silk and ribbons opposite Ester had a very mistaken opinion of herself in this respect; probably she would have been startled and indignant had any one told her that her supposed contempt for the rich and elegant attire displayed all around her, was really the outgrowth of envy; that, when she told herself _she_ wouldn't lavish so much time and thought, and, above all, _money_, on mere outside show, it was mere nonsense--that she already spent all the time at her disposal, and all the money she could possibly spare, on the very things which she was condemning The truth was, Ester had a perfectly royal taste in all these matters Give her but the wherewithal, and she would speedily have glistened in silk, and sparkled with jewels; yet she honestly thought that her bitter denunciation of fashion and folly in this form was outward evidence of a mind elevated far above such trivial subjects, and looked down, accordingly, with cool contempt on those whom she was pleased to denominate "butterflies of fashion" And, in her flights into a "higher sphere of thought," this absurdly inconsistent Ester never once remembered how, just exactly a week ago that day, she had gone around like a storm king, in her own otherwise peaceful home, almost wearing out the long-suffering patience of her weary mother, rendered the house intolerable to Sadie, and actually boxed Julia's ears; and all because she saw with her own common-sense eyes that she really _could_ not have her blue silk, or rather Sadie's blue silk, trimmed with netted fringe at twelve shillings a yard, but must do with simple folds and a seventy-five-cent heading! Such a two weeks as the last had been in the Ried family! The entire household had joined in the commotion produced by Ester's projected visit It was marvelous how much there was to do Mrs Ried toiled early and late, and made many quiet little sacrifices, in order that her daughter might not feel too keenly the difference between her own and her cousin's wardrobe Sadie emptied what she denominated her finery box, and donated every article in it, delivering comic little lectures to each bit of lace and ribbon, as she smoothed them and patted them, and told them they were going to New York Julia hemmed pocket handkerchiefs, and pricked her poor little fingers unmercifully and uncomplainingly Alfred ran of errands with remarkable promptness, but confessed to Julia privately that it was because he was in such a hurry to have Ester gone, so he could see how it would seem for everybody to be good natured Little Minie got in everybody's way as much as such a tiny creature could, and finally brought the tears to Ester's eyes, and set every one else into bursts of laughter, by bringing a very smooth little handkerchief about six inches square, and offering it as her contribution toward the traveler's outfit As for Ester, she was hurried and nervous, and almost unendurably cross, through the whole of it, wanting a hundred things which it was impossible for her to have, and scorning not a few little trifles that had been prepared for her by patient, toil-worn fingers "Ester, I _do_ hope New York, or Cousin Abbie, or somebody, will have a soothing and improving effect upon you," Sadie had said, with a sort of good-humored impatience, only the night before her departure "Now that you have reached the summit of your hopes, you seem more uncomfortable about it than you were even to stay at home Do let us see you look pleasant for just five minutes, that we may have something good to remember you by" "My dear," Mrs Ried had interposed, rebukingly, "Ester is hurried and tired, remember, and has had a great many things to try her to-day I don't think it is a good plan, just as a family are about to separate, to say any careless or foolish words that we don't mean Mother has a great many hard days of toil, which Ester has given, to remember her by" Oh, the patient, tender, forgiving mother! Ester, being asleep to her own faults, never once thought of the sharp, fretful, half disgusted way in which much of her work had b

***AND IT JUST ENDS*****

Pretty damn smart. I paid attention to the viagra ad just so I could read what was going on.